The Ivory Pen

Responsible Pet Ownership

2011-07-17T07:12:00.002-05:00

I am angry. Very angry. Angrier than I have been in a very long time about pet ownership.

My neighbor has a pit bull bitch. She is atypical of the breed. Her name is Sophie and she looks ALL breed. But her attitude is all Cocker Spaniel/feline/Jack (or Parson) Russell terrier. She wants to please like the Cocker, play like the Jack, and be stroked like a feline. She's loving of ALL people, dogs, cats.

She is unspayed.

The neighbors have had her for several years. I have never seen her as a puppy. She was full grown from the day we met.

The neighbors decided to re-build their fence, which has taken them over a year. During that year, Sophie went into season twice. At the first season, it was winter so she was kept inside most of the time. At her most recent season, it was spring. She was put on a long line and left to her own devices. As I could see into their yard from my vantage point of a few feet higher on the hill, I kept an eye on her. Sophie is known for losing her line and coming to visit my dogs. I also noticed her season coming on before they did. And I chased away the Labrador that wanted to visit every morning. To no avail.

Sophie got pregnant.

I was getting my hair cut yesterday morning with my neighbor and the conversation turned to Sophie. I said to bathe her and bring her in for the whelping. She said "Just what I don't want. Placenta to clean up in my house!"

Yesterday evening, I was a Wal-mart and received a call from the neighbors. It seems that Sophie went into labor and one of the pups was not looking good. It was tiny, half the size of the other three. And not eating. They said Sophie wouldn't stop licking them all and the runt was having a hard time of it. I told them that I would pick up a bottle and some pup milk for it.

When I got home,I immediately went over with the supplies.

Sophie was lying in a hole she had dug. A mud hole. With, honest-to-god, two inches of wet mud in it. Licking, licking licking the pups, trying to get them dry. Even most first-time mothers know what to do. I told the neighbors to get a blanket for her and move the pups to it. They were afraid. Thought she would get upset and bite them.

A blanket was laid out in the yard about 15' away. I talked to Sophie and loved on her, told her what a good mom she was being. The neighbor picked up one of the pups, then another, saying the whole time that Sophie was going to bite me. Then he put them back in the mud hole. He was too scared.

I got frustrated with him. I loved on Sophie again and took all four, one-by-one, from her and put them into his hands. He moved them to the blanket. The soaking wet, had been in the yard, muddy blanket. AAAaaaauuuuugggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

I told them to get her dog house and put it in the corner of the yard. Get a DRY blanket or towels and put them into the house. All the while, sticking my hands into Sophie's mouth when she tried to carry the babies back to the hole. Ten minutes it took them to get her house set up and a dry blanket for her. And fill in the hole where she had the pups.

Once the house was set up, I took all four pups to it and placed them inside. When I called Sophie, she came to me and her babies, took one look at the house and climbed in, circling then settling.

I told the neighbors that if they wanted to save the pups, they needed to find a way to get them warm. They were all so cold. Especially the smallest one. The neighbor said that they were probably too warm. I said he was nuts. They were very cold. All body heat had been lost in the mud. They finally went into the house to try to get the replacement milk ready.

I was so angry that I had to leave.

I left them. Sophie and the pups. I just left them there. With two idiots. I left them.

I am waiting till 8:00 to check them. Society demands that I respect their property. I will respect them till 8:00. That's all they get.

And if all those pups are dead, I don't know what my reaction will be.

I think I'm hurt.

2011-05-15T06:59:00.002-05:00

LOL! Not really hurt. Just confused with another person. Said person I love and admire greatly, but still...

The person who made the comment means everything to me. Everything. And he probably won't ever know that he did this. I know he also cares about the person he confused me with a great deal, but still...

And over something silly. A song. He said that one particular song made him think of me because, he says I told him I think of him when I hear it. I didn't say that. She did. And I love her, but still...

Is it his, uhm, advanced age that makes me confuse his two bestest buddies? Time, 23 years worth of life, having slowly wound down the drain? I know all that life starts to kinda run together at times, but still...

How appropriate that the song is called Days Go By, eh? And he won't ever believe that he mistook her comments for mine. Unless I have proof. Which I do. It's on her blog. From two years ago. Why was I reading her blog from so long ago? Because I miss my friends. And they don't write much anymore. And I don't have a current book to read. So I was bored. Just happened to stumble upon her post that mentioned said song. But still...

I love her. And him. And don't really mind being confused as her. Puts me in my proper place in life. Makes me realize that I can't be all to everyone. And I don't want to be all to anyone. That changes who they are. People should have outside interests, friends, activities. But still...

I miss them.

New ringtone...

2010-03-15T19:33:00.002-05:00

I had my OD set up on my phone with the ringtone "My Girl" by Billy Gilman. It has been that way since she got her own phone almost 6 years ago,

I changed it a few days ago. It is now "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins. The most important words are...

You're gonna miss this.
You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days
hadn't gone by so fast.

These are some good times
so take a good look around.
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this.

When I told my Hubs about the change in ringtone, he asked, "Do you wonder if she will ever be mentally capable of understanding what she is missing?"

Which gave me more food for thought.

I really do wonder. And I also wonder if she really cares or if she is just concerned about 'appearances'.

Love/Hate

2010-03-13T16:31:00.002-06:00

I love winter.

I love fireplaces crackling, snow days, rosy cheeks, icicles,snuggling with the puppies, snuggling with the kids, new TV shows, chili.

I hate winter.

I hate getting depressed, being trapped in the house, icy roads, rain-rain-more-rain, the lack of green, no sunlight on my skin, the numbing cold, the boring new TV shows, weight gain, dry skin, no flowers.

When will this be over?

Mother's Day

2009-05-11T06:29:00.002-05:00

Mother's Day was a bit unusual for me yesterday.

For the last two weeks, my best friend's husband and my own husband were planning. That in itself was strange, because we have never really celebrated Mother's Day. We have always done a card, and maybe a lazy day at home. That's it. Nothing else. Which was fine. I had no problem with it.

Until yesterday.

Celebrating with another family was rough. Especially when that family celebrates in ways so different from your own.

On Sat, BF and I were given the morning off. She has 4 children, two still at home, one in the same city with a grandbaby, and one far away. I have two children, one at home, one in the same city, and Babylove, my grandson. BF and I were able to leave the men-folk to take care of the homes and kids so that we could go an hour away to visit a water garden place and anything else we wanted to do. IT WAS GREAT!! We talked. We shopped for plants and fish. We ate lunch. WITHOUT CHILDREN.

While we were away, Hubs and BF hubs did work on a honey-do list at my house. Things that needed to be done but I hadn't been able to get to yet. Like digging up an old fence post and it's accompanying wad of concrete. Like moving the woodworking tools around in the basement so that some adirondak (??) chairs could be built. Like planting a rose bush by my mailbox that required first digging up roots from a previous plant that went to China. Like moving cement blocks around to the deck so I can get some potted plants and color out there.

And they planned for Sunday's celebrations of Mother's Day. Breakfast out at the local Cracker Barrel. Movie time for us girls without Babylove climbing on me. Grilling out in the afternoon.

Sunday morning came and we dressed to head to the restaurant. BF Hubs got there early so that we wouldn't have to wait in line. While I was getting ready, Hubs got Babylove up and dressed then went to wake YD. She said "I'm tired and I don't feel good."

That is her standard response EVERY time someone wakes her. I usually ignore it and tell her to get up anyway. She does and all is well.

This morning, she didn't get up. She wanted to sleep in. Fine. FINE! I could still enjoy the day without her.

We get to the resaturant. Everyone had just been seated. They even had a highchair ready for Babylove. There was BF and her hubs, three of their kids, one kid's boyfriend, one of their grands, me, Hubs, Babylove...and that's it. None of my kids. Not either one.

And I started to feel weepy. Just a little. So I got up and went outside. I didn't want to cry in front of BF because she has recently lost her mother. This was a rough day for her without adding my drama.

I stood outside and smoked and watched all the families mill about. So many people. Families with babies and smiling youngsters, grumpy teens, young adults, grands and even a few great-grands.

And I started to cry. More than just a little. Not sobbing, mind you. Just tears running down my face unstopably. I was missing my adopted mother, Mary Alice Shipman. (Yes, I remember that you hate, HATE your middle name!) And I was missing my children, as dysfunctional as we may be. And I was missing my own mother even though I had already talked to her that morning. I was thinking about all the Mother's Days I had let pass without telling her that I am sorry for the way I have treated her in the past. And that I wanted her to know that for each Mother's Day that I let go without telling her how much I appreciated her and was glad she was in my life, I was so sorry. And that I was glad she tried so hard to STAY in my life even when I was being a butt. And I cried.

And I cried periodiocally throughout breakfast. And even more after breakfast. All the way home. And was still crying when BF stopped by after dropping her kids off at their home. And then cried some more when she asked what was wrong. (P.S. YD is STILL in the bed.)

So we talked. And then went to her house to begin our movie time. And I was ok.

And my bad start to the day was made better.

My outlet, DAMNIT! MINE!

2009-05-11T06:24:00.002-05:00

This is my outlet. This is where I can moan and complain about my day-to-day. This is NOT all about ED. Or Hubs, or Babylove, or YD. Yes, they do come up frequently as they all are the majority of my life. BUT. THIS IS MY OUTLET. If this offends you...LEAVE. NOW.

Don't read anymore. Don't take what I say personally. Don't think it's all about you. Don't get so bent that you do something drastic because I want to bitch. Get over yourself and just let me vent.

I'm done. It's over.

2009-02-07T15:29:00.002-06:00

I can't do this anymore. My ED has complained for the last time that my blog is causing her 'issues' so I quit. I give up.

Those of you who know me, know my phone number. The rest of you...I'm sorry.

WTF??!!??

2009-01-17T09:43:00.002-06:00

"Well once again, you make it sound as though I am going down the wrong path and that i wont be able to get Damian back. I am trying to get my head on straight but almost everytime we talk about me getting Damian, you make me feel like you dont want me to have him. I know I cant have him now. I am not ready. I wish I was. I wish that I was a totally different person so that I could take care of the one person I love most in this world. Then again if I was totally different I wouldnt had to have given him up. I could have worked through my depression and my disorders. But I am not different. I am me. And it looks and sounds like me isnt good enough. If you want to raise Damian the way you feel he should be raised then go right ahead. I wont step in the way. I wont step anywhere. I love you. I always have. But its slowly getting harder to love the person who keeps continueing to hurt my dreams of having my son in my arms. I hope you can raise him better than you did with me. I love you Damian."

This is the comment my ED left after reading the post titled "Married, you say?"

She is in the mental hospital again. When I went to the ER to be with her before they decided what to do with her, we talked. I asked what led her to this place again. She told me that she had a rough weekend. After asking her what happened, she said that a few things went wrong. First, I changed plans on her on Friday. Second, I got upset with her on that same Friday. Second, I changed plans on her on Saturday, as well. Third, she read my blog.

All of those things combined put her into a downward tailspin. And she started cutting again. And having suicidal thoughts.

It had nothing to do with not speaking to her 'fiancee' for a week. It had nothing to do with the idiot she has living with her and his psycho-jealous girlfriend. It had nothing to do with not being able to pay her bills. It had nothing to do with not taking her medication. It had nothing to do with starting school again and missing at least one assignment during the first week.

It's all about what I have done to upset her.

I hate...

2009-01-15T14:12:00.004-06:00

...people that think just because you have a small child, you have time to do anything and everything.

Case in point -- My husband wants his shirts ironed. Which I don't have a problem with except I would rather clean toilets. But try ironing with a 16-month-old running around the house, tripping on the cords, climbing on the board legs, pulling the shirts out of the basket to put them in the dirty clothes, tossing the hangers about the room until you can't move without them springing up under your feet and slapping you in the shins. I would rather listen to Hubby bitch. And I do.

Case in point -- Try going anywhere during the day. Like just a quick trip to Wal-Mart, you say? Yeah. Get yourself ready, get the child ready, wait...has the child eaten??? Does the child need a nap??? Can I have a nap??? Do you have extra diapers??? Crackers??? Wet wipes??? Sippy cup??? Pacifier??? Ok...walk out the door, oh, crap, it's raining/sleeting/snowing/hailing/anything-but-balmy-sunshine...RUN! Cause you don't want the child to get sick/wet/cold. Strap the child down, drive to Wal-Mart, find parking that doesn't require a three-mile hike toting a child, shop in a store designed for everything EVERYTHING to be within the child's reach, hike back to the car, strap the now-screaming child into the car, load the groceries, and head home planning the reverse trip into the house. And I say planning the trip because now the child is tired, cranky, hungry, and in need of a diaper change AND you need to get the groceries up before the cold stuff isn't so cold anymore. So you get the groceries up and in the kitchen. Then you fight the child, who only wants to help, for the right to put the groceries where YOU want them to go. Up for running a few errands? I think NOT!!!

...making plans when you have a baby in the house.

Case in point -- I was going to spend some time with a friend of mine. Sitting at her house, drinking blackberry wine, maybe getting the in hot tub, relaxing. Yeah. Until Babylove's schedule got all messed up. Like not getting his full 3-hour nap. Consequently, instead of him being in a good mood for the evening, he was cranky, that type of cranky where nothing would soothe him for more than 10 minutes at a time, and he wouldn't go down for another nap. So plans get changed to staying at home again. AGAIN.

...people who think that staying at home with a baby is the greatest thing in the world.

Case in point -- A few weeks ago, I managed to get out of the house without Babylove. IT WAS GREAT!!! As much as I love him, as much as he is a really easy child, as much as I think being with them until school starts is a good thing, it is still a chore to go anywhere and do anything with a small child.

Case in point -- At the market recently, I ran into someone I hadn't seen in 6 or so years. In the course of conversation, she asked where I worked now. When I said that I stayed home to raise Babylove, she went OFF! Going on and on about how lucky I am, and how much free time I must have, and how many household chores I can do, and how many craft projects she would be able to finish, and how her yard would be perfect. My eyes glazed over as she kept talking. I ended the conversation and left. I don't care if I ever talk to her again.

...people who have 'The-Grass-is-Greener' syndrome.

Case in point -- No one has it any better than anyone else. NO ONE. I used to be jealous of someone who seemed to have all the money, friends, time in the world. But then I learned that his wife ran over and killed their only child when he was four. How can you envy someone's life, posessions, etc when you must also envy the path that led them there?

Is it really something to get mad about?

2009-01-15T07:36:00.002-06:00

Morgan has issues. Really. Not just issues with being a 13-year-old but ...

Her best friend spent the night last night. This morning it is only 22 degrees outside. They got into a fight because Tiffany wouldn't wear a coat.

Seriously. I'm not kidding.

They both went to school angry because Morgan told Tiffany that she needed to wear a coat. Tiffany didn't want to carry the coat around all day (since they spend MOST of their time indoors) and doesn't have room in her locker. Morgan thinks she knows best and tried to anger Tiffany into wearing the coat. Tiffany is stubborn too and wouldn't wear it just to spite Morgan.

Teenagers. I understand why, in the wild, some parents eat their young.

Married, you say???

2009-01-14T10:35:00.002-06:00

Mid November ...

SHE - I am going to Japan for the month of April.

ME - Ok. Who is he and where did you meet him???

SHE - You know him. It's Kenny. From high school.

ME - Really? I didn't even know you guys were dating!?!

SHE - Well, we kinda are. He's in Japan and we have been talking, texting and e-mailing for a few weeks.

A week later...

ME - So what led to marriage?

SHE - We were talking about me not having insurance so I can't go to the dr. If I want Babylove back, I have to try to get my head straight.

ME - And?

SHE - Well, he kinda jokingly said that if we were married, I could live in on-base housing, go to the commisary, and have military insurance. That way I could go back to see the counselor.

ME - And that's a good enough reason to get married??? Military benefits?

SHE - He was just joking. I'm not going to get married just for his military perks.

A week later...

SHE - So we have kinda set a date for next November.

ME - For what?

SHE - To get married.

ME - WHAT??!!??

SHE - Yeah, we have been talking about it more and I am going to spend the month with him and then he's coming home in November so we are getting married.

ME - *thinking that 'this too shall pass"* Ok.

Several days later...

SHE - We have changed the date.

ME - I didn't realize you had a date to begin with?

SHE - It's now going to be in July. And I'm not going to Japan in April.

ME - Ok

Present day ...

Suffice it to say that I have no idea what's going on. The date has been changed several times. How can you plan a wedding without a date? Not only that, she has developed a GIANORMUS need to have Babylove back. Which is going to take some time. And she says she isn't leaving the States without him. So what was the whole point of this marriage thing anyway???

And why rush it? Her paramour has loved her since high school. What's a little more time? They haven't even dated this time around, for Pete's sake!! Paramour is going to get hurt over all this. ED will not be happy when she learns that she has added a whole new set of problems to her current ones. Marriage doesn't 'cure' anything and can be a disease in itself.

And it's not fair to use someone for your own gain. She is not in love. She doesn't even know what love is at this point. If you don't love (or at least like) yourself, how can you believe that anyone else can love you?? When she realizes that she doesn't truly love paramour and wants out, what's going to happen to Babylove then? Especially when paramour has expressed the deisre to adopt him. Where will that leave ED? In another custody battle for Babylove?

Don't get me wrong. I love paramour. When they dated in high school, I thought he was the best thing to happen to her since Daddy came into our lives. She says that why she broke up with him back then. Cause her parents liked him. Can you say 'brains'! Anyway, he has a good head on his shoulders and when he finds something he wants, he goes after it. Like a dog with a bone. I find that type of determination a good thing. Unfortunately, it's going to get him hurt this time.

Just one more effort on her part to solve problems the easy way. There is no easy way. One day at a time and lots of elbow grease.

So I haven't written in a bit . . .

2009-01-14T09:57:00.002-06:00

Sue me. I have had a lot going on.

My ED is getting married.

Babylove finally quit teething. And then started again.

Christmas came and went. As did New Year's.

I'll get to it all. Promise.

But first...I have that lovely GYN visit scheduled today. If you are weak-stomached, go away.

I haven't been is 2-3 years which is not a good thing for me. I had a cancer scare many years ago and I have been unusually religious about "those kinds" of doctor appointments. Till my doctor of 10 years told me that at a certain age, I would begin having rectal exams and mammograms. WHAT???

As if having to spread-eagle on a hard, cold, table with your feet in the air while someone (not your other half) spreads goop and pokes and prods and smashes and stretches and scrapes up in there isn't bad enough. Add in the rock-around-the-clock, non-stimulating breast groping. Now he wants to go the wrong way up an an exit-only and the "This might sting a little. Flatter, FLATTER I SAY!!!" mammogram.

So I decided not to go back. Ever.

Oh yeah, today's going to be lovely. Makes me all warm and gooshy inside.

Oh, wait. That's EXACTLY what's gonna happen!

TEETH!!!

2008-11-06T08:18:00.008-06:00

We finally have TEETH!!! So far five of them have poked through. And Babylove is back to sleeping through the night. THANK YOU GOD!!! He is chewing on everything, has that lovely teething rash around his mouth, an ear infection, and constantly wet from all the drooling, but in general, back to his sweet self. He is walking full time. I think he crawled once on the deck a few days ago. That didn't last any longer than it took for him to look up at me and say "OOOooooo." Guess those knees have already lost their crawling callasus!

I voted. Did you vote? I'm not sure about the effectiveness of our voting system. I guess I need to read up on the whole Electoral College thing. I don't get it.

BUT...

While I was voting, I ran into several people I hadn't seen for a while. They were properly appreciative of the beauty of the child in my arms. One said, "What a little doll!" Another, "A beautiful little girl!" And the third, "Such a princess!"

Uh...folks? It's a boy. He was dressed in gray sweatpants with a green shirt that had cars all over the front, and blue crocs with SpongeBob on them. Nothing pink. Nothing even remotely girly. Except his curls. And his eyelashes. And those huge blue eyes.

So I had his hair cut. *SOB*

I didn't realize how much I loved his curls. How often I ran my hands through them. How they made for really good fun in the tub!

And he looks too grown up. I DON'T LIKE IT!!! I mean, he's still as adorable as can be, but...

And that ear thing...WOW. Take a close-up look at it.

I bet they are going to tell me next that he needs tubes. Which I DON'T want to do. His mother has a problem with anesthesia. Like she takes hours longer to wake up than they always expect. Last time she went under, they were 15 minutes away from admitting her to the hospital because she wouldn't wake up. Her surgery was over at 11:00 in the morning. She should have been home by 2:00 or so. They moved her to a room at 5:00pm and said if she didn't wake up by 7:00pm, they were going to have to admit her for observation. She finally woke up about 6:45.

Not only that, his ear is not infected in the eardrum. It is in the ear canal. Tubes will not help that. Only finding out why it stays infected will fix the problem. They finally took a culture and sent it off to the lab. Finally! So, we'll see.

Everyone, please have a good day. It is what you make of it.

Another day, another dollar.

2008-10-14T12:30:00.002-05:00

Wait. Don't you have to have a 'real' job to get the dollars??? Hum. Guess that leaves me out.

Babylove is cutting SIX teeth! Yeah, you read that right. And he still has not settled into them. Naps are still short. Nights are still broken. Functioning (for me) is difficult. I am one of those unfortunate souls that NEEDS a full 8 hours. I can't seem to get by on less. Hubby can subsist on 4 to 6. I wish I could!

YD took the news of no braces very well. I think we pacified her with plans for her delayed birthday party. Her birthday is actually in Sept but because of all the band activities, we always have to wait for an actual party. This year, she is having a small get-together at home for cake and ice-cream. Then we are traipsing everyone to the skating rink for a few hours. Some of the girls will be spending the night and then, we get our house back!

Andrea has two jobs now. Both at fast food resaturants. She seems to be happy. I hope so. I wish she would not keep making life as hard as it can be.

The Daily Grind.

2008-10-09T08:37:00.003-05:00

Well, we got the damages for YD's braces. $305 at time of installation and $80 a month for 21 months. I'm not so sure we can handle it. Hubby's company was bought out (again) and the new company has no regard for previous employees or their track record. One person that was really high up in the company and had been there 22.5 years . . . let go. No reason. Just that his job description had been terminated. A good man with a family, now without a job in one of the hardest job markets in recent history.

Things like that make me nervous to commit to any long term payments of any kind.

Babylove is walking more than crawling these days. And finally teething, again. I say finally because he cut two teeth on the center bottom at about 5 months and hasn't cut any since. Now, at 13 months, he is cutting the top two. And maybe a few more. He is only slightly fussy but wakes up 2-3 times each night. And his naps are shorter than usual.

I am scared about Andrea and Babylove's relationship. Is she going to want him back after teething, the terrible 2's, the tyrannical 3's, potty training, etc? In general, all the hard stuff that comes first with young children? And how will he know her? He calls me Momma, only because everyone else does, and even when I show him pictures of her and call her Momma. He has bad sleeping habits for a day or so after spending time with her. Is that because of the weekend of the garage sale when he was so confused? How does one know what to do ensure the mental health of a child this young???

I have raised (almost) two children to date. Neither one am I happy with the job I have done. Why would I think this one will be any different? Is it because I am older that I am questioning myself? I don't recall having this many questions on my frist two trips 'round the merry-go-round.

Help!

Tuesday, Sept 23rd

2008-10-08T08:05:00.003-05:00

Andrea has moved into the basement. She keeps all her things in one small area. So far things are neat and tidy.

She is insisting that she is not taking anything with her when she leaves other than her personal items and clothing. I don't understand. We have never said that she couldn't take anything with her. Furniture wise, that is. One of my friends said it may be that Andrea wants to tell everyone that we kicked her out with nothing. That is not the case but how can we make anyone believe it? Anyway, why even bother? We know the truth. That is what counts.

Andrea's grandmother came to visit on Saturday. This is my first husband's mother. She has been planning a visit for several months, intending to spend just 2-3 days at each stop on their way to Florida. Andrea went to dinner with us and made nice for Saturday. Then, when the grandparents checked into their hotel room, Andrea went to a friends house and got drunk. And drove home. Talk about lack of decision-making skills.

Sunday was pleasant. The grandparents and I went to The Ave Maria Grotto. It is something I had been wanting to see since we moved here 10 years ago. Funny how those that live by a tourist attraction never seem to go to that attraction.

I had to call Andrea about eating dinner with us. She asked "Why?" and my response was that her grandparents had come to see her. They would like to see her once more before they contuinued their trip.

Monday was life back to semi-normal. Or what poses as normal for our family. Band practice, football games, Babylove stuff, etc. And my birthday on Tuesday. I got a few cards in the mail and a (much-desired) t-shirt from my best friend. Check it out!

Hubby says he is getting me the Peticure. It's not here yet and the dogs NEED their nails cut BAD! I'm trying to decide if I should just go ahead and cut them instead of waiting.

Hubby also made me the most delicious treat. It is graham crackers with peanut butter, dipped in chocolate with peanut butter drizzled over the top. Yummy!

Wednesday, Andrea moved out. I asked her about why she didn't stay till Nov 1st as we discussed but she didn't really have an answer. She got lucky with the deductible and towing bills for her car. Didn't have to pay either one, so I guess she had some extra money to play with.

Saturday was our first band competition and our band took Best-in-Class. Yes!! The band is excited but now they know what they need work on so I expect next week will be rough on them at practice.

YD has an orthodontist appt on Monday and she is terribly excited to be getting braces. I am not excited about the added monthly bill but I guess Monday will tell how much the damages will be.

Kind of an apology.

2008-10-02T17:57:00.002-05:00

Um...my last post was kinda male-bashing. And I need to recant.

I went to the local service center to pick up the correct belt for my lawn tractor. (It works, by the way!) While there, I spoke to the person from my phone call yesterday. Turns out Him is a Her!

Just goes to show that you should not make judgements on ANYONE!

Let's take a break, shall we?

2008-10-02T08:09:00.003-05:00

I hate men. Not all men. Just those that think because they have penii and can piss standing, they are smarter than us blondes.

I have a lawn tractor. It is a big, bold, manly machine. I use it to haul junk from one part of my yard to another. And to cut the grass. My grass and my neighbor's. She is one of those blondes that needs help. I don't fault her, nor any other helpless woman, for how she was raised. That's just the way things are.

BUT...My lawn tractor threw a belt. The PTO belt. Which means no cutting the grass. Until it gets a new belt.

Two days ago, I set out to get a new belt. I have done this before so I just followed the same steps. Get out the manual. Find the model number. Go online to see which belt is needed. Go to Lowe's. Purchase said belt. Return home. Spend 45 minutes busting knuckles installing belt while lying on the ground working sideways cause I broke the hydraulic jack last time I did this.

Buying the belt turned into a comedy of errors. When I got to Lowe's, as I am standing in front of the WALL OF BELTS, a helper(???) asks what I need. So I told him. That was my first mistake. He took the belt out of my hands, put it back on the WALL OF BELTS, said that wasn't the one and headed to another part of the aisle. When he handed me another belt, I asked, "Are you sure?"

Turns out he was wrong. That belt was about 8" too long.

The next day, back to Lowe's I go. And purchase the original belt, with the correct number, that I was originally holding.

That belt was 8" too long. WTF!!??!!

After much fighting with the mower, I finally just removed the whole mowing deck. And found that, yes, I was routing the belt correctly, and, yes, that was the belt for my mower, and no, I could not talk to someone from Cub Cadet customer service, and yes, the belt was still 8" too long.

So I got online, looked up my local service center, called, and the conversation went something like this:

Me -- Hi, I need some help with my mower.

Him -- What you got?

Me -- (related whole previous story)

Him -- What's the model number? ...pause...paper shuffling...The right belt number is xxx-xxxxx.

Me -- That's the belt I have but it is 8" too long.

Him -- Are you sure you are routing it right?

Me -- I am 100% sure it is correct. I am doing it exactly as it shows in the owner's manual.

...pause...

Him -- Are you doing it? Or is your husband doing it?

...pause...

Me -- I am doing it. I am NOT some dumb blonde who can't figure out how to make things work. I changed this belt last season. I can even change the clutch in my car, if needed. So can you help or not?

...pause...(Amazing how standing up for one's self can make the penii-parade back down)

Him -- Ok. Let me check a few things.

Hold music.

Him -- I don't know what the problem is. That is the correct belt. If you bring it in and we can't figure it out, there will be no charge.

Me -- Ok. Thank you.

After hanging up, I was more confused than before. So I decided to research my model. It seems that, after making the 1042 for several years, Cub Cadet decided to change some things in 2005. Unfortunately, those changes sucked hind teat, so Cub Cadet made more changes in 2006. One of those 2005 changes was to do with the belt spindles. Which changed the length of the belt.

Somewhere, during many miles of internet wandering, I found that my mower was supposed to have a label listing things like part numbers for spark plugs, solenoids, belts, and the like. After many hours of searching, I found it!!! After lifting the hood, and removing the battery I found this

.

YEAH!!!

Unfortunately, I have a 2005 model. That uses a different belt. But is not listed ANYWHERE in the Owner's Manual or on the website. Or even in the 2005 Owner's Manual.

So I'm going back to Lowe's again. And I am calling HIM. If he works on these things, he should know of this discrepancy.

"You've got to be kidding me, right?"

2008-10-01T07:42:00.003-05:00

This, after she said she would be able to help. I looked at her for a moment, said "Nevermind" and left her to sleep.

Younger Daughter and Best Friend (henceforth known as 'YD' and 'YDBF') helped by bringing the highchair down to the basement, gathering up food, sippy-cup, spoon, bowl, bib and the like. Then Babylove was fed. In the basement. With about a-jillion garage-salers hanging about. He had a blast! Never had he had such an audience!

But he was only happy for about an hour. He was ready to PLAY!

By now, it's 8:30-ish and Hubby is getting annoyed at having to listen to Babylove yell his displeasure at being stuck in the chair. Hubby came to me and said he was getting Andrea up. Did I have a problem with that? No, I said. Be my guest.

He took Babylove, went upstairs, and told her "You have 5 minutes. Get up."

Bringing Babylove back dowstairs, he helped customers and waited 5 minutes. Then he took Babylove back up stairs, flipped the lights on, yanked the covers off of Andrea, and told her "You either get up, as you said you would, and take care of Babylove, or you get your shit and get out of our house." Then he came back downstairs.

Moments later Andrea came downstairs, collected Babylove, and went back up to play with him.

The day was a train wreck from start to finish. We were all exhausted from the football game the night before and from getting up at 4-ish to set things up. People were their usual inconsiderate souls. Andrea and Babylove didn't get along too well as she doesn't know his schedule.

After the sale, we cleaned, and boxed, and threw away all the mess. I went to bed for a nap and Hubby fell asleep in the recliner. Babylove woke up from his nap screaming bloody-murder. It took over 30 minutes to calm him. It was a preview of things to come.

I guess Babylove is confused. He has been in my care for several months during which he let me know his schedule and we kept to it. Then, in two days, Andrea got him confused. He doesn't know why I am not taking care of him and why he can't make Andrea understand his needs.

Hubby and I talked about Andrea again. And came to the same impasse that we have every other time we talked. I say "Let her sink or swim but stop saving her. No more taking care of her financial needs. No more saving her from the many stupid decisions. No more letting her stay here when it is so disruptive to everyone in the house. She said she was moving out on Sept 18th. Let her. If she doesn't have anywhere to go and has to sleep in her car, HER choice." I have had a LONG time to get used to the idea that I can't save her from herself. Hubby has only recently been made aware of the many problems she has and has caused.

He still says, "Let her stay. She says she will live by the rules. She wants to save money and be able to get her bills paid. Let her stay."

On Sunday, September 21st, I started blogging again. To get the timeline right, I logged onto the bank accounts to check the dates of the hotel stay. While there, I saw that Andrea had overdrawn her account by $300. She had been paid on Thursday and after the bank took their money, she had about $155 left. With this, she needed to pay for SEVERAL things, least of which was her $250 deductible to her car fixed. Instead, she went to Wal-mart and spent $63. Does that sound like she is trying to save money to pay the bills???

When I showed that to Hubby, he finally saw that she is NOT doing what she says she will. She knows what he wants to hear, says it, then does whatever she wants.

We FINALLY came to a resolution about what to do with her:

1) She will move to the basement. It is unfinished, full of misc furniture, bikes, woodworking tools, etc, with a concrete floor. BUT it stays an even 76 degrees year around. It is safe. It is a place to stay.

2) She will be out by Nov 1st. No ifs, ands, or buts. No discussion. No more chances.

3) She only has one rule -- NO ONE IS TO ENTER ANY PART OF OUR HOUSE. Period. If they do, we will press charges for tresspassing and she will be out immediately.

4) We will offer NO MORE financial aid. We are not a bank. Pay your bills yourself.

The next day, she agreed to the terms and moved to the basement. Babylove has his own room back. Andrea comes and goes as she pleases. We have our bedroom back. It's somewhat peaceful now.

...here we go again...

2008-09-28T08:42:00.003-05:00

So at 7:30, Wednesday, September 17th, Andrea stumbled out of her room. She asked if her dad was home yet. I said no, but soon.

He came in at 8:30. I wonder if he worked so long because he knew what was in store for him at home?

We sat on the deck and talked. She said she was sorry (again), she said she would do whatever it took to stay here (again), she said she would live by whatever rules we decided upon (again). I said that if she stayed, we were 'saving' her again. I am so tired of that word, AGAIN.

Is it our fault that she had yet another accident? Ours, that she was going to have to pay for the towing and insurance deductible? Ours, that she didn't have the money to pay for the deposit on her apartment? Again ours, that she didn't save her money for three months as suggested so that she could move out without being in debt?

I THINK NOT!

Everything in life is a choice. You may not like the choices presented but you still have a choice. You always have a choice. If you make the wrong choice, do what it takes to remove yourself from that situation. But not at the expense of those around you. Do NOT expect others to take responsibility for your not-so-smart choices. Take responsibility for your actions and yourself.

Hubby did most of the talking as I had already said what I wanted to say. He talked about the lack of caring on her part for Babylove. He talked about letting others fend for themselves. Quit trying to fix everyone else and take care of YOU. He talked about us NOT spending any more money on her problems, accidents, etc. He talked until he was blue in the face.

And yet he saves her again. Well, to be fair, she has been left in limbo. We (he and I) are talking about things. We need to figure out what to do. We disagree on the options left to us.

As she left for work that night, she asked if she could still sleep at home after work. I said yes until we (hubby and I) finished our talks.

The next day was Thursday. She woke herself at 11:30am. She played with Babylove. And fed him. And changed his diapers. And, generally spent more time with him on that one day than in the last month total. She tried to put him to sleep. He wanted me. I had been "The One" for almost two months. She went to work that night about 5:00pm. As she left, I sent her a text saying "Daddy and I are still talking things out but we expect you home after work until further notice." She sent me a text back saying, "I understand. Thank you. I love you."

Friday was game time. We always go to the football games as our younger daughter is in the band. Andrea rode with us. And held Babylove all night. At one point, she asked if she could go back to the stands to sit down. Since I know how heavy Babylove can get, I agreed.

Once she was out of my sight, with Babylove, I panicked. She wasn't in our seats. I didn't see her anywhere. I soon found her hanging out with former friends. We left after halftime, as we had a garage sale starting early the next morning.

On the way home, Andrea asked if she could go with some friends to Midnight Madness at the local fair. When asked, she said she would be home by 1:30 or 2:00, whenever the fair closed. She said she would get herself up by 7:00am to take care of Babylove so that we could concentrate on the garage sale.

SHE said those things. We did not ask them of her. When we awoke at 4:00am for the sale, Andrea was not home. Hubby texted her. No response. He called her. No response. At 4:30, I called her and left a message saying, simply, "I sure wish I knew where the hell you are."

She called me back within 5 minutes saying she was on her way home now.

As she arrived, I was in the basement with the garage doors open, setting out and marking things for the sale. She started to go upstairs, I assume to bed. I said "I don't think so!" She asked if she could at least go pee. I said "Since it may be the last time you pee in this house, go ahead."

After she came down again, she sat in a chair and wrote signs for us."Rocker - $25", and the like. We tried to talk to her. She was belligerent and annoyed with us, acting like we had no right to be all-up-in-her-business. Ok. At 6:30, she said she was going to get something to eat and she did not come back down.

At 7:30, Babylove woke up. I went upstairs to get him and then went to Andrea's room. I stood beside her bed and woke her saying, "Babylove is awake. He will need a diaper change in about 10 minutes and breakfast in about 20 minutes."

She looked up at me and said, "You're kidding me, right?"

...and continued again...

2008-09-24T07:44:00.002-05:00

I need to back up again. Andrea has dropped out of college after spending $1400 for this last semester during which she attended aproximately two classes. She got a refund of $137 and was to give me the $400 worth of books she purchased so they could be returned to recoup some of the money spent. On Monday, the 15th, she said she would get those books out of her car and bring them to me for returning. She did not.

On Wednesday, the day after her latest accident, she still had not gotten them to me. So I verefied with her that they were still in her car and went to the went to the repair shop to pick them up. During my drive, Andrea and I had a text altercation that went something like this:

Me: Are those books still in your car?

A: Yes, why?

Me: I need to get them and return them so I can send Memaw the money back.

A: You are not going to be able to return them until book buy-back session.

Me: That is for when classes are over and people are getting rid of books they no longer need. It's different when you drop classes.

A: I'm just telling you what they said.

Me: Whatever.

A: Oh, so you can say that word but I am not allowed to? I'm just telling you what they said. I'm going to bed. You just don't care, do you.

Me: I trusted you when you said you were going to finish school. I trusted you when you said you would give me the books on Monday. What more do you want from me?

A: (direct quote from saved text message) I did finish school. Last time i checked, i have more schooling than you.

Me: We are done.

It cut me to the quick for her to tell me that she is better than me just because she has an Associates Degree. She has said it before and she knows that it hurts. I would NEVER say such a thing to either of my parents even though it is true. There are some lines you don't get near. She had a grandmother willing to pay for her education, no matter how long it took or how many degrees she wanted. She had parents willing to let her live home, rent free, with no job, willing to give her money for gas and such. She had a mother willing to babysit at no charge while she was at school. So many things she had. And she threw it all away.

After that text conversation, she sent four more texts asking what did I mean by "Done". I didn't answer. She called. I didn't answer. She called her Dad. He didn't know what was going on and told her so. She texted again. I didn't answer.

About 30 minutes after I got home and put Babylove down for a nap, she was dropped off at home. I was pacing the deck, still impossibly hurt and angry. She came outside and asked what I meant by done. It would be wrong to say that I held my temper.

I said something to the effect of:

"I'm done. With you. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I have nothing left for you because I have to hold something back for Morgan and Babylove. You have wrung me dry mentally and emotionally. You want to know the reasons I didn't finish school? I'll tell you. The first time I dropped out it was to have your ungrateful, bitchy ass! The second time was a job and, yes, that was a mistake. The third time I dropped out??? TO RAISE YOUR CHILD!!!!!"

Halfway through my tirade, she started crying. She said she needed to talk to me and her father when he got home from work. She said she made another mistake and needed another 'last-chance'. I told her to text him to find out what time he would be home. She did and asked if I would wake her up at 7:30. I said that if this was so important to her, she would get her self up.

The anger in me is overwhelming. I must stop to let it subside.

...to be continued...

...continued...

2008-09-22T10:35:00.005-05:00

I guess I left off about July 18th. When Andrea, asking for a second chance to make her life right, decided instead to move into a hotel with someone else's boyfriend while that someone else was in a mental hospital. For the next week or so, we saw her only twice, when she came home to wash clothes and pick up more stuff. She was so marked up with 'love bites' that I was disgusted. When asked if the sex was that good, she said yes. Seems they had found a house (after 10 days in the hotel) and were going to live there together. On the day before payday, he left her. With the deposit due on the house and the hotel bill. Not to mention the eating out they did for that 10 days. She paid for everything.

Not suprising, she came to us crying, saying she had messed up again, could she please stay here, she would start doing her household chores again, she would live with whatever rules we imposed, she just needed to get herself back together. Not suprising, we said ok. We laid down the law, told her that she HAD to start going back to the psychiatrist and the counselor, HAD to do her chores, HAD to let us know who, what, when, where and how on EVERY outing, HAD to write her work schedule down for us, HAD to be a part of this family if she wanted to live here.

The boy since gave her less than half of the deposit on the house and the hotel charges.

She lived by our rules for two days. Another week went by. A week where she saw Babylove four times, and held him only twice.

September 2008 -- We had a custody hearing for Babylove. Andrea didn't even show up for it. She was sleeping. I sent her a text reminding her about it. She slept. Babylove is SO important to her, don't you see?

Two days later, was Babylove's first birthday. We planned a small family get-together with just us, my best friend, her daughter, and my other daughter's best friend. We were having dinner at 6-ish, then cake, then presents. It was supposed to be eight of us. Andrea wanted to work, instead. So she left about 3:30.

At 5:30-ish I get a text. It says, "I am coming to the party but we have to be back at work by 7:00." I sent back "WE???" About that time, she gets here. WITH C! The hotel guy, the has-a-suicidal-girlfriend guy, the stay-away-from-him-if-you-want-to-live-in-our-house guy. He was told in no uncertain terms that he was NOT welcome in our house. He needed to leave.

Since he didn't have a car, Andrea left with him. Did you catch that? She left her son's first birthday party for a guy. A guy that stuck her with mega-bills, maxed out her credit card, kicked her to the curb. He is more important than Babylove, to her.

It is now mid-September. Andrea was told on the 6th that if she continued to see C, she would need to find another place to live by October 1st. She responded that she would be out by October 1st, not because of C, but rather because of the way we made her feel. I wonder if she feels that way because what she is doing is in direct opposition with how she was raised? Her own guilt feelings are eating her up.

She planned to move out on Thursday, the 18th. Back up to the 16th, she had yet another auto accident. No one was hurt. She just wasn't watching and drove off the road into a ravine when the car ahead of her stopped. Her car has a transmission leak now, and the front bumper is a bit dented. And is not driveable.

This photo is 10' below road level.

Then on Wed, she came to us, crying, needing another chance.

...to be continued...

So apropos...

2008-09-21T22:14:00.002-05:00

This song came on as I was driving to the counselor's office to talk about my wayward daughter...

Ohh, how about a round of applause
Yeah, standing ovation
Oooh ohh yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

An' don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone (get gone)
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-run
Please, what else is on (ohh)

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Ohh, and the award for best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be faithful to
Let's hear your speech out

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation

But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now

Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?

2008-09-21T06:58:00.002-05:00

Honestly, I'm not sure where the beginning is. It seems to be a slippery slope that has no end. At least on my husband's part. More on him later.

Let's back up.

September 6th, 2007 -- My daughter had a baby. He is a very easy baby, needing only love and a stable schedule to be totally happy. TOTALLY.

October 2007 -- My daughter decided (rightly so) to leave the baby's father. He was a little too interested in the weed, if you know what I mean. Seems he grew up with druggies for parents, still has druggies for parents, doesn't see anything wrong with that, and says his child can grow up the same way. Andrea disagreed. And moved back in with us.

Things were ok for a while. The parents in this family have been seeing a counselor for a few years already. Andrea started going in January.

Feburary 2008 -- Andrea had her first mental health hospitalization. I thought that she was having a time with Post-Partum Depression. She was diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder and suicidal.(She had a bout of "cutting" as a teenager.) She spent 4 days in the hospital, being diagnosed, talking, taking a vacation. No child, no parents, life was good.

Rules were different when she got home. We were more strict on her. Where she went, who she was hanging around with, and Babylove being on a schedule were paramount of importance. She complied for a little while. Then came the job and the boys/men, and the staying out till all hours, and the dropping/failing of classes in school. And the threesomes, and the parties, and the realization that she was not very discriminating when it came to who she slept with. Male, female, 18-yr-olds to 39-yr-olds, couples, singles, taken or not, anyone was fair game.

Can you say "Wit's end?"

April brought another trip to the hospital. Another four day vacation. And finally a break for Babylove. This time one of her shrinks in the locked ward suggested that she give him up for adoption. I WAS LIVID!!! That was NOT an option. But the suggestion was also made to give custody to us. She was receptive.

June 29th 2008 -- She decided that we would have custody of Babylove. She would continue school, and accept the full-time night position at Burger King. She would live at home till her bills were paid off, and she saved enough to move into a place of her own. She would visit with Babylove until, under the agreement of her psychiatrist, counselor, herself, and us, she would be mentally ready to accept responsibility of this little wonderful creature.

July 2008 -- Things were going somewhat smoothly. Babylove was moved into our room. He got on a regular schedule. He flourished. Andrea was working and going to school. Friends from work became VERY important to her. So much so, that she started a relationship with A(17yo female) & her boyfriend C(19yo male). A already has two children, one of which is C's. A also has mental problems, such that, when the realtionship with Andrea became sexual, she couldn't deal with it. She made a horrible scene at BK (where you can't ALWAYS have it your way, apparently!) and then tried to commit suicide by walking down a five-lane road trying to get drivers to run over her. Needless to say, she was committed to the mental health hospital.

Andrea called to ask if C could stay with us. WHAT!?! Are you nuts!?! It seems that C was living with A's mom and she decided that C was better off somewhere else. So Andrea loves this guy SO MUCH that she wants him to come live with us. NOT!!!! I told her that if he means that much to her, get him a hotel room.

So she did. And moved there with him.

...to be continued...

Spring Valley Beach

2008-06-20T14:41:00.002-05:00

Sounds good, huh? Looks good too. Beautiful place. Clean. Small enough that you don't need a map. Large enough that you can lose (kinda, but not really) your children and your worries for a short while. See what you think. Spring Valley Beach

Then you take your children and realize that it isn't enough. You can't get far enough away from them to stop all the whining. The youngest is whining that she is hungry (you ate before getting here) and she won't let her friend ride the waterslides without her. The oldest is whining that the youngest is whining about everything. The friend?? She NEVER whines. Not when the youngest is being mean and hateful. Not when she is hungry. Not ever.

The oldest also seems to forget that she is a mother now too. She needs to think about what to do with her son while she plays at still being a teenager. She needs to realize that her mother (me!) is not an automatic babysitter. I'm sure her mother (me) LOVES to take care of the baby. BUT, when her mother (still me) wants a break from everyone, that includes the baby. And the oldest. And the youngest. And the friend.

Don't get me wrong. I love my children, grandson, and all their friends. But at some point they all need to just grow up! My youngest is 12-years-old and so full of attitude right now. I realize that it is partly my fault. I am too tired to disclipine her as needed. I am too lazy to follow-through. My oldest was such an easy child that I thought my youngest would be too. I did not realize that she is SO MUCH MORE HIGH MAINTENCE!!! She needs a VERY structured lifestyle. The rest of us are pretty laid back and then there is the youngest. Not so laid back. Which makes it hard for the rest of us to get with her program. I thought she would get with OUR program. Wrong. So I am realizing my fault in this and starting today, I am working to correct it.

Then there is the oldest. She is 20 now. Her recent birthday was a flop. We have always taken our children out on their birthdays. This year, she was mad at us. This year, she didn't want to go. This year, she didn't want us to spend our money on her. This year, she didn't have any friends to go. This year, she needed just a little more attention. This year, she didn't get it. This year, instead of the drama, she got what she wanted. No cake. No dinner out at the place of her choosing. No party. No presents. No nothing. And I'm sure she thinks it is our fault.

Someday she will realize that we are tired of the drama. We need her to grow up. We didn't spread her legs and get her with child. We didn't want that much more responsibility. SHE did that. And now she needs to grow up. She needs to put him first. Someday she will realize that he is the most precious thing EVER. But we need her to live in the right now. Like let him sleep when he needs it. And feed him when he needs it. And keep him clean as needed. And keep his bedding clean. And think about things before doing them. Like, if the fries are too hot for your finger, doesn't it stand to reason that they will also be too hot for his mouth. And if the pool is too cold to just jump into for you, wouldn't that mean it doesn't feel good to him also???

IT'S NOT ROCKET SCIENCE!!! If you don't want to take what the mother (me) says to help you learn how to raise him, THERE ARE BOOKS OUT THERE!!! AND THE INTERNET!!!

GROW UP! YOU CAN'T HAVE A CHILD AND BE A CHILD!!! IF YOU DON"T WANT TO GIVE HIM WHAT HE NEEDS, GIVE HIM UP!!!

I've been tagged!! I am #A1307142. Just look on my ear!

2008-06-08T21:10:00.002-05:00

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning of the post.
Each player answers the questions about themselves in their post.
At the end of the post, the player then tags people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What was I doing ten years ago?

1998 - This time ten years ago, I had just moved into a new house in a new city in a new state. I was trying desperatly to find my way around this new place, get my children settled in, find the local home improvement warehouse, etc.

2. What are five things on my list to do today?

Paint my toenails, take a nap, finsh putting closet organizer together, nap, have I mentioned napping??

3. Snacks I enjoy?

Baby carrots, Hershey's Chocolate Bars, and Plain (but very salty) Chips.

4. Things I Would Do If I Were A Billionaire?

All my loans would be paid off, trust funds established for my children, nieces and nephews, and several other children, our family would be taken care of. Then the fun would start!!!

5. Three of my bad habits?

Eat too much, pick zits. Bad habits??? I don't have any bad habits!!!

6. Five places I have lived?

Sandusky, OH
Pineville, LA
Monroe, LA
Ft. Myers, FL
Cullman, AL

7. Five jobs I've had?

Dogpoop-picker-upper at a pet store, night crew at Toys "R" Us, receptionist at a shrink's office (that one was FUN!!) Morning crew at McDonald's, parmacy tech at Eckard's.

8. How did you name your blog? -- I received as a gift, one fountain pen, ivory in color, from a person who means a great deal to me.

There you go.

You have been tagged:
Fribalenna

Children, patience, and bodyart...

2008-06-05T22:24:00.007-05:00

My oldest daughter has made several decisions lately that I feel strongly, she will eventually regret. They are all relating to the new body art she has acquired.

I have tats. Two, to be precise. Have had them since my daughter was about two years old. I regret certain things about mine. The first, because I had no real reason to get it. The second, I regret the location. But I don't regret having them.

My daughter has always wanted a tattoo. We have discussed it MANY times over the years. I have always told her that they should have meaning. You should think about what you are placing on your body for all time. What is it going to look like when you are 60 years old? Will you still enjoy it as much then? Does it mean something to you? If you want to do it right, find or draw what you want. Put it on your mirror, look at it everyday, think about it, adjust it, make it PERFECT. Then, after much time and thought, then get your art.

On May 9th, she got her first tat.
It says 'generosity' and is for her father. She says he is the most generous person she knows. The reason for this is that he wanted nothing more for Christmas than for her and her sister to buy things for other children. Not for him. They were given $300 to spend on 4 children who otherwise would have had slim to none for Christmas. I think they rather enjoyed the process.

Then on May 17th, she got this one... It is for her son. I througly approve of things for people who mean something to you. The tattoo is okay. Nice even. But there was little thought put into it. The wings are beautiful. But she took several photos of wings and text and ideas to her tattoo artist, then, one week later, since she was in such a hurry to get it, she approved the first thing that he came up with. No modifications, no adjustments, no nothing. In my opinion, the wings and the text don't fit each other. The shadowing doesn't fit the wings or the text. And, again in my opinion, she will regret not taking time to think about it.

Finally, on June 2nd, she got this one... (Sorry the photo sux. It was taken with my cell phone.) She says it is for me. I'm not sure I understand. Does she think I am bi-polar? Two-faced? What? And do you know what the inspiration for this masterpiece was? How about this...

This is one of those temporary tattoos. I'm not sure where she got it. Maybe Claire's? Maybe the gumball machine? But, once again, no thought put into it. It did get modified at bit. But it's not done. And she is already dissastified with it.

Three tattoos in less than a month.

Why, oh why, is there no patience in our children???

Yardage

2008-06-03T18:30:00.004-05:00

I had a time in my yard today. Mowed, edged, trimmed bushes and trees, got sunburned, deadheaded my roses, and burned refuse. A VERY good day. I love being outside.

Sometimes I get into trouble being outside because all those things inside that need to be done, never get done. Oops!

But look what I found!

Finally those stupid things are putting out grapes! I have had them for three years without production. Maybe they don't like being moved every spring. Maybe they don't like where they were planted. Maybe I don't know the first thing about growing grapes. Yeah. Betcha that last one is a winner.

And then I found this...
This is in the rafters of my daughter's playhouse. And it looks like they tried several times before settling on which nest to use. If you look close, you can see that there are three nests in a row. All interconnected. All slightly used. But only one has eggs. I don't know if my daughter has messed with the eggs. I hope not. But we haven't seen any birds coming or going. I am going to watch for a few days and see what happens.

Happy June Everyone!!

2008-06-01T20:24:00.002-05:00

I am hoping that this month is better than last month. Seems like there was at least one person in my house sick for each day of May. Except my oldest. For some reason, she didn't get sick at all. The rest of us?? Not so good.

School ended for some of us. And started for some more of us. Morgan is now out of the 6th grade and thinks she knows it ALL! Andrea graduated with her Associates Dregree in Criminology. She is working on her Associates in Business Management, her fingerprint analysis certificate and her Bachelors in Criminology.

I started school again. Woohoo! Some of these classes are ridiculous. You should be able to test out of ANYTHING and still get some kind of credit for them. Some of these computer classes are so basic that I could teach them. Instead, I have to sit through 10 weeks of classes, wasting my time, money, and gasoline for a class that I have completed all the work for already. The teacher looked suprised when I asked if I could turn in all my work early, like now. Cause it's all done.

I need the beach.

2008-05-29T15:12:00.003-05:00

You ever think that if one more thing gets stacked on your shoulders, you're gonna cave? I mean like really just take a vacation from reality. Run away. Go to the beach. Let someone else step in and take over cause you are too tired to make any more decisions.

I understand that sometimes you need a break. Believe me. I have been there MANY times.

BUT . . . as an adult, you don't get those options. You can't just step out of everyday life and take a vacation. The bills don't get paid, the pets don't get taken care of, the children go hungry and dirty. The list goes on and on.

As an adult, you take the little vacations, as short as they may be, where you can. Naps, long soaking baths, walks, reading a good book, or a not-so-good book. These are the little vacations. These are sometimes the only ones we can take. And you soon learn to appreciate them.

When you don't have the money to go anywhere, when the medical bills run $15,000 and higher, when the house note is due, when the car needs an oil change that now costs twice what it did three months ago, when the roof gets shingles blown off, when the washer rusts out the tub and leaks water all over the floor, when the AC compressor goes out...when does the list ever end?

I have wanted to build my family's house for as long as I can remember. I have wanted to take a cruise forever. I NEED to get to the beach.

But it's all going to have to wait. Cause the medical bills won't go away without payment, and the house note is due, and the roof needs new shingles.

But I have learned patience. It has taken me 40 years but I have learned that when it comes, I will appreciate it more.

I'm not stupid...

2008-05-17T21:29:00.002-05:00

... not naive, not uncaring, not oblivious. You might think I am. BUT I AM NOT.

You may wonder what I am talking about. How about the fact that my 20-year-old daughter thinks I am an idiot. And telling me one thing but doing another, thinking I don't know what she's up to. Anyone with children, children in the puberty stages or beyond, tell me you don't know what your children are up to.

We know. We just know when they are lying to us. Don't ever think we don't know.

On the other hand, turn it around. Do you think you were so smart at that age? Do you think you put things over on your parents? Do you think they were oblivious?

Things that make you go HUUMMMMM.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T09:09:00.004-05:00

I hope everyone had a great Mother's Day. Mine was so relaxing. I spent the early morning hours camped out in the basement waiting out the storms. We had serious thunderstorms that spawned several tornados. They were headed directly for our fair city but luckily, just before they got here, they fizzled away into nothing. Or at least something not so destructive.

I thought about so many people.

VW - Happy Mother's Day to you. You have children. They just happen to be really hairy and don't speak english.

Irrelephant - You are mother and father. No matter how you think you have done at these jobs, those who know you are proud of you.

Mary Shipman - You were, and still are, so much more than a mother to me.

Fribalenna - You have a long way to go but I am so proud of you. Your son is a dream.

Mom - We have had our ups and downs but your're still my mother and I love you.

Angela - I love you. Your strength through the last several months is amazing. IT WILL GET BETTER.

Crystal - I know everyone has a story. Thank you for sharing yours. It helps to know that we are not alone.

Lee Ann - You waited so long. And you are doing so good. Adam is a lovely young man.

There are so many more of you that I thought about, but if I keep going, we will be here all day. I just hope you all had a warm, relaxing day.

Stolen Memes!!

2008-05-10T21:25:00.004-05:00

I stole this from Vulgar Wizard. It just sounded like fun!

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open it to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences

Give Sparkle a hand. A sexy little purple top that dipped low and clung to parts that deserved the attention, sexy black pants that emphasized every dangerous curve, and sexy little shoes with heels that made her legs go on forever. Sexy. That outfit touched his soul.

Ok, so now you know what my dirty little secret is! I love trashy romance novels. And ones that have vampires, or demons, or werewolves, or fairies, or any other entity most consider fiction are the trashiest and the best. Then again, I read ALL. Anything. Everything. Always. This just happens to be what I am stuck on right now.

Give me a week or so. I'll move on to technical magazines. And the week after that . . . maybe gardening. . . or building arbors. . . who knows?

So grab your nearest book and find your three. Let me know what's on your bedside table.

Here's your sign.

2008-05-09T22:44:00.003-05:00

I'm feeling a little stupid. I want to write. I want you guys to read what I write. I want validation that I have a place on this planet and I am important too. If only to one person.

But now I find I am a bit embarrassed. I want to know that someone is reading my words/thoughts. But now that I know, I'm scared you won't like me. Or will find me juvenile. Or inane. Or pointless.

Which is stupid, 'cause, why, exactly am I writing??? I thought the whole point of this exercise was to get things out of my head. For my own sanity. Not yours. I shouldn't care what you think. Or that you are even out there. Reading this. And thinking things. About me.

Does everyone that blogs publically think these things? I can't be the only one. For that matter, how does one think of what they want to write about? Some blogs I read have an ongoing story or theme. Like kids or school or jobs or pets or or or or ....

Some just seem to be random thoughts.

How much do you guys want to know? And how much do I want to share? Should I care that I want to blog about my daughter and she might eventually see it and get upset? Am I trying to justify writing what bothers me most just to get it out? Someone recently asked me, "Why do you care what she thinks?" Well, because she's my daughter!

But the question was eye-opening. Stay tuned.

Another day...

2008-05-06T21:12:00.002-05:00

...no more dollars. I have been collecting unemployment for several months. I was 'laid-off'. What a wake up call.

Talk about second-guessing yourself on everything!! It's not like getting fired. It's a whole new ballgame.

Getting fired is always expected. Always. If you are honest with yourself, getting fired is expected. You just know it's coming.

Getting laid-off, on the other hand, sux great big horny donkey balls.

What did you do wrong? Or what did someone else do less wrong that made you be the one on the chopping block? If you don't know what you did, or didn't do, how can you make sure that you don't do it again? Or do it again, as the case may be.

So my unemployment has ended. And I still don't have a job. Not that I have REALLY been looking. I mean, I have been kinda looking. But mostly being depressed. And wondering what I did. And now I have to make a decision.

I am going back to school. Again. Maybe this time I will get my degree. Finally. I am so tired of all these stops and starts. I think I have been to college three times so far. This will make my fourth. And I think I have changed my mind about what I want to do. How's that for a mid life crisis?

When I lived in Louisiana, I thought I wanted to be a pharmacist. So I went to the best pharmacy school in the southeast. Then life intruded and we moved. Since then I have been taking business classes with a leaning toward accounting. I have always liked accounting. But I love pharmacy. I found that my local college has been recently accrediated for pharmacological studies. Guess who's gonna try it again?

Maybe. I don't know. I know that I am going back to school. But I don't know what for. I am scared. I keep quitting. Why can't I get through this mess. Most people do it before they are on the back side of the hill. Am I so scared of failing that I would rather quit?

Time, again, will tell.

Under the weather.

2008-05-01T17:34:00.003-05:00

I hav been ill. Want a timeline? Check this out.

April 16th - I woke up with a headache, slightly sore throat, stopped up nose. I thought maybe that a weather front had moved in and within a few days it would be gone and I would be back to normal. Little did I know.

April 19th - The front hasn't moved out. Or the sinus thing hasn't. I can't tell 'cause I can't breathe. Or sleep. It seems that the OTC medicines I have been taking have the annoying side effect of sleep disturbances.

April 21st - I slept with a tissue up my nose last night. Really. I awoke at 2-ish to hack-spit-blow and laid back down. As soon as I did, more nasel leakage made itself known. I sat up and blew again. To no avail. So I wadded and stuffed a tissue in there. When I woke again about 6-ish, it was still there.

April 23rd - Ok, so my left ear has decided to get into the action. It is full. Not even holding my nose and blowing is letting it open up. When I do that, it just squishes. And then un-squishes when I let go. I'm sleeping almost all day. Only waking long enough to hock-spit-blow-and take more pills and try to pop the ears.

April 25th - My ears HURT! I am going to the doctor today. Let's see what he has to say.

April 25th - (later that day) Dr. Saltz (asshole) says I have a sinus infection, and one ear is infected. Not the one that hurts, which doesn't make a lot of sense but ok. I got two shots in the butt, one a steriod and one an antibiotic, as well as two prescriptions to take. An antibiotic and Mucinex D.

April 28th - I went back to the doctor this morning. I am no better. Matter of fact, I'm worse. My left ear is now so clogged that I can't hear anything other than ringing. I saw Dr. Meimen today. Told him about my ear. He looked into my nose, throat and then moved to my ears. Took a look in there and said "Good God!" Said he hadn't seen an ear this full in a very long time. I got another shot of steroids, another prescription for declining steriod pills, and another antibiotic. Do you know what two antibiotics are going to do to my stomach??? And I am supposed to go out of town till Saturday. This is going to be fun.

May 1st - Well, I went to the Grand Ol' Opry on the 28th. It was fun. Smaller than I thought it would be. MUCH smaller! But I had a good time. Yesterday, I went to the Cool Springs Mall in Brentwood, TN. After about 4 hours, I felt bad enough to head back to the hotel for a nap. And didn't leave again. Today? I slept till 10:30, went to Waffle House for brunch and then back to bed at the hotel. And here I sit. Feeling worse than I was before going to the doctor. Maybe. Not really. Kinda. I was all from my throat up, now it's including my stomach and bowels.

I can't seem to get on top of this crud.

I've been chastised...

2008-04-25T22:44:00.004-05:00

...once again I have failed to mention my husband. And he pouts. As well he has the right to. 'Cause he is great. Better than anything I ever dreamed. For real. I'm not kidding. We have our ups and downs. Who doesn't? But I can't see my life without him.

He makes coffee every morning, yet he doesn't drink coffee. He cooks. He cleans. He is here for me. Always. He doesn't yell. He never leaves the toilet seat up. His feet don't stink. He can make anything out of wood (as long as he has the plans!). He does laundry. Wash, dry AND fold. He is handsome, 6'2" and super strong. Wonderful brown eyes that look at me as if I were the best thing since peanut butter. I love his hands. Hands that can be as gentle as the summer mist. Hands so strong that holding hands with him is an exercise in torture if he's not careful. Great massage hands. He is fireproof, bulletproof, and can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And he loves me. Completely. Endlessly. Without reservation. He loves me.

And I love him. Always.

Smoking

2008-04-21T10:11:00.002-05:00

Why does everyone hate that I smoke? Ok so I smell bad. And I taste bad. And I spend way too much time outdoors. Smoking.

Why do I smoke? It tastes bad. It smells bad. I love to be outside. It releases stress. Ah. There it is. The crux of the matter. Stress. I am stressing. Alot. My life hasn't turned out the way I expected it to. AT ALL.

I saw myself like my grandparents. A little piece of land, some animals, a garden, places for children and grandchildren to roam and be a part of nature. Horses. A place where the kids could get lost in the woods. A place where the dinner bell was rung to call everyone to eat. A barn. Hay. Trees. A creek. Digging potatoes. Fresh tomatoes. A root cellar. The workshop. Riding in the wagon during the parades. Tree houses that were actually in the trees. Sleepovers with real bonfires. Homemade treats from the fire, like popcorn. Chocolate, graham cracker, marshmallow confections. Skinned knees, broken arms, ant bites, fireworks, family get-togethers.

What I have is really great. Lots of people would LOVE to have what I have.

Nice subdivision, great house, helpful neighbors, smart children, three cars, four dogs, one cat, fish pond, lovely yard.

But it's not what I dreamed of.

How did I get here?

And how can I get my dream back?

WOW! What a week...

2008-04-20T20:15:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you have a week so bad, you want to save it for posterity. Perhaps so you can look back on it and realise that what you are currently going through, can't compare. In this case, it's been several weeks.

First, my oldest daughter was hospitalised for post-partum depression. Four days of taking care of my wonderful grandson was tiring. Fun, but tiring.

(This paragraph has been deleted by the author. Please excuse the inconvenience. We will now return you to the regularly scheduled post.)

Then, my daughter (oldest, again) developed kidney stones. Six hours in the hospital one night and surgery two days later.

Now, I am sick. I don't get sick. Ever. But my throat is on fire. My nose is non-usable, my head hurts. I didn't know the nose could make so much gunk!

And I'm done. Maybe I will be back here. Maybe not. Time will tell.